This little piggy went to market

I haven't posted lately because I have been busy prepping for our big move.

Which is a terrible, terrible lie.

I've mostly been trying to avoid prepping for our big move by busying myself with trivial stuff that wastes time and is counterproductive.  I've been making appointments with contractors for some desperately needed improvements, then rewarding myself with a large dose of avoidance.  It's possible I've over medicated and will now need a 12 step program before I become productive again.  But for now, I've come to enjoy wallowing in my procrastination stupor.


However, I haven't been completely negligent.  I've been trying to cook through our freezer(s).  We have three if you count the one attached to our refrigerator that is primarily for ice cream and burritos.  We also have a small chest freezer in the garage and a large commercial freezer in the basement. This much freezer space has allowed us to store away a lot of frozen goods.  And you can't transport frozen goods over state lines.  So I've been doing my best to get them empty.  A couple of weeks ago I succeeded in emptying the small freezer of it's contents.  Which consisted of a few lbs of ground beef, a brick of butter, and 5 year old frozen waffles.  Things tended to get stacked on top of it's horizontal surface and we didn't go in there much.


When I was poking around the other freezer though I was pulled up a little short.  It seems we have an ungodly amount of bacon down there.  My apologies to everyone who heard about a potential bacon shortage.  It's quite possible we were the casue.  Apparently when I went grocery shopping I kept picking up a pound of bacon.  It's a staple right?  And into the freezer it would go.  We don't really even eat that much of it.  But here I am with what appears to be 11 pounds of bacon.

All of which needs to be consumed in 2 months. I know bacon is all pop-culturally relevant right now, but this is just ridiculous.  I'm not even going to talk about what other animal cuts are in there.  Let's just say we would probably need to dig a pit to cook it all in.  It's like a meat Bermuda Triangle.  Buy some meat, put it in the freezer, never think of it again.  I feel terrible.  Mostly because I'm going to have to eat that.  I think we'll start hosting some dinner parties.  Everything comes with a side of bacon.  Even the vegans are eating it.  It was corn before it was bacon.

We also have an avalanche of rice that needs to be consumed.  Can you make bacon wrapped sushi?

You say potato...

I say boring.

What can you say about a starchy vegetable that has no discernible taste?  Seriously, if I were to ask you what a potato tastes like you'll probably answer; the underside of sour cream, melted cheese or bacon.  A good one tastes like all three.  And then no doubt you'd regale me with reams of research on why the potato must not be eaten because of it's high carb ratio, poor rating on the glycaemic index and the quick decent into fast food hell it will surely lead you.

Well, I've been doing some reading, and let me tell you, if it weren't for the little tuber staple of the Inca's your ancestors probably wouldn't have survived long enough for you to stare over your arugula, endive and avocado salad to disparage it.

We'll get to why I was reading about potatoes in a minute.  But first let me share some interesting historical facts.

Potatoes originated in north-central South America. Specifically the Peru/Bolivia region.  Otherwise known as the Inca Empire.  The Inca's had been feasting on potatoes for thousands of years before the Spanish conquistadors arrived and started feeding them to their livestock. The potatoes, not the Incas.  Although...

Anyway, this happened around 1532 and eventually the potato made its way to Europe where it was not well received and people began to grudgingly farm it to feed to their animals.  It was not considered a suitable food for people, considering it was what those heathens consumed.  What was really popular, nutrition wise, in Europe at the time, was starvation.  The diet consisted mainly of meat, grains and other animal by-products. Such as milk, eggs, cheese, etc.  But not much etc.  Things weren't going well as grain was subject to crop failure caused by weather, disease and marching armies.  In good years, most of the people in Europe weren't starving.  There weren't a lot of good years.

Thank goodness the aristocracy saw the potential benefit of the potato and begun to encourage the lower classes to farm them in 1662.  Of course, trust in the government was about what it is today and the recommendations were mostly ignored.  In England, it wasn't until 1795 after the Board of Agriculture issued a pamphlet entitled "Hints Respecting the Culture and Use of Potatoes"; this was followed shortly by pro-potato editorials and potato recipes in The Times, that the lower classes began following the lead of the upper class and began to use the potato as a staple.  Things weren't faring any better on the Continent and it wasn't until Louis XVI began treating the potato as a novelty that the French finally took notice.

Frederick the Great of Prussia issued a 1774 order for his subjects to grow potatoes as protection against famine, the town of Kolberg replied: "The things have neither smell nor taste, not even the dogs will eat them, so what use are they to us?"   Clearly they hadn't considered pairing it with bacon yet.  Frederick ended up using some reverse psychology to get things in the ground, so to speak: he planted a royal field of potato plants and stationed a heavy guard to protect this field from thieves. Nearby peasants naturally assumed that anything worth guarding was worth stealing, and so snuck into the field and snatched the plants for their home gardens. We may not trust our governments to have our best interests at heart, but we do trust them to keep the good stuff to themselves.

It wasn't until Thomas Jefferson served potatoes in the White House that the plant really took off in America, and it was 1850 when Russia fully embraced the potato.  I think a year later they decided it was better to drink them.  In fact, the only European country that fully embraced the potato early was Ireland.  As a result of the introduction of the potato as a staple, the population of Ireland doubled to eight million between 1780 and 1841.  Unfortunately, since the potato was the staple and nearly only food for the lower class in Ireland, when the potato famine hit (1845-1852), the population fell by by 25% with one million starving to death and  another million emigrating and settling in Boston.

So you can see how influential the lowly potato has been to history.  And still, when we see this

we don't get very excited.  Ugh.  Mashed potatoes   Perhaps the most boring way to eat a potato.  No flavor, no texture, no exciting color, no love lost.

And now we (finally) get to why I'm talking about potatoes in the first place.  I stumbled across a blog a few weeks ago that was reminiscing about her grandmother's Old Fashioned Potato Candy.  Naturally, I thought she was making stuff up to fill her blog.  But her comment section was filled with readers waxing poetic about this memorable treat their great-grandmothers had made and they missed it so.  I had never ever heard of such a thing and figured it must regional.  Like Canadian.  Or something.

Clearly I was compelled to make my own savory and succulent Old Fashioned Potato Candy.  And so here we are.

First I need to make clear I put more effort in to figuring out how to get the mashed potatoes than understanding the recipe (which can be found here for those who want to follow along at home.)  By the time I had the potatoes and studied out the recipe I was less sure this was going to be a good idea, but by then it was too late to stop.  Also, I didn't believe I was going to need as much sugar as the recipe called for.  It seemed unduly excessive to me.  As it turns out, I didn't need the 5 cups of powdered sugar it calls for.  I needed more.

Here's why.  When you add 1 cup of sugar to 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes something magical* happens and what you get is a slimy, drippy, runny mess.  So I kept adding sugar and adding sugar until I had 6 cups of sugar mixed in with my little, tiny bit of potato.  Suddenly it was becoming all too clear why so many women had fond childhood memories of the potato candy.  After I had rolled it out on my counter top, I was instructed to spread on a thin, but not too thin, layer of peanut butter.  I don't particularly care for peanut butter.  The commenters had suggested Nutella as an alternative, but I don't really care for Nutella either.  So peanut butter it was.  Then I had to roll it up like a jelly roll.  Except it was still a sticky mess.  So I rolled and scraped and patted sugar into the holes and eventually manged to somehow get it off the counter and onto waxed paper and into the fridge to "set."

I sliced it up and offered it to the boys.  They eyed it warily because I refused to name it first.  They liked it. Sort of.  I think they were more enamored that it had potato in it than the fact that it tasted like putting a spoon full of sugar in your mouth.  I found it to be face puckering, teeth achingly sweet.  Poor potato, what had I done to you?  There are better ways to sauce up the potato.  I recommend giving this option a pass.  But I am curious if I'm the only person who had never heard of this before.


*Recent clarification at our house.  The difference between Magic and Science is the degree of explanation the performer is able willing to give the audience.  I am a Magician, Sir is a Scientist.

22,673

That's how many pages I read this year.  Not all at once, between two covers.  That would be a crazy big book.  Who has that much to say about one subject?  No, this was divided up among 68 different books.


Some of these were Book Club picks that I probably wouldn't have read on my own.  Some of them were free e-books which were an excellent study in "you get what you pay for."  Some I've recommended to others before I read them myself, then had to apologize later as they didn't end up being quite as the jacket promised.

And of course, there is no accounting for taste.  For the same reason we have a variety of flavors of ice cream we have a variety of books to choose from.  You may hate what I like and love what I don't.


So, you wanna know what I read?  I thought so.


Here it is, in very particular order, my 2012 reading list.

1. Watership Down by Richard Adams
2. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? By Mindy Kaling
3. The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley
4. Practical Jean by Trevor Cole
5. My Life as a White Trash Zombie by Diana Rowland
6. The Invisible Bridge by Julie Orringer
7. Heads You Lose by Lisa Lutz & David Hayward
8. Divergent by Veronica Roth
9. Stupid and Contagious by Caprice Crane
10. Seeing Me Naked by Liza Palmer
11. 11/22/63 by Stephen King
12. The Town That Forgot How to Breathe by Kenneth J. Harvey
13. Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
14. 150 Pounds by Kate Rockland
15. Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs
16. The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery
17. Back When We Were Grownups by Anne Tyler
18. Apologize, Apologize! by Elizabeth Kelly
19. Coraline by Neil Gaiman
20. In The Woods by Tana French
21. All We Know of Heaven by Rémy Rougeau
22. Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakthrough by Ruth Pennebaker
23. For Women Only by Shaunti Feldham
24. The Wary Widow by Jerrica Knight-Catania
25. Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider
26. Bubba and the Dead Woman by C.L. Bevill
27. A Child al Confino by Eric Lamet
28. Small Island by Andrea Levy
29. Lucia, Lucia by Adriana Trigiani
30. The Corrections by Jonathon Franzen
31. Death by Chick Lit by Lynn Harris
32. The Informationist by Taylor Stevens
33. The Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall
34. I Owe Russia $1200 by Bob Hope
35. Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
36. The Tall Stranger by Louis L'amour
37. Marvel, 1602 by Neil Gaiman
38. The Fat Years by Chan Koonchung
39. What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty
40. The Solace of Leaving Early by Haven Kimmel
41. The Apothecary's Daughter by Julie Klassen
42. You Better Not Cry by Augusten Burroughs
43. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
44. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
45. The Hitman's Guide to House Keeping by Hallgrimur Helgason
46. The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom
47. Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury
48. Damsel In Distress by P.D. Wodehouse
49. Sellevision by Agusten Burroughs
50. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
51. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
52. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
53. Defending Jacob by William Landay
54. A Grown Up Kind of Pretty by Joshilyn Jackson
55. Excellent Women by Barbara Pym
56. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
57. Year Zero by Rob Reid
58. Before and After You Fall In Love by Victoria Brown and Allan Chochinou
59. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
60. You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl by Celia Rivenbark
61. Don't Ever Get Old by Daniel Friedman
62. The Little Book of Talent by Daniel Coyle
63. The Hunger Pains by Harvard Lampoon
64. The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Carr
65. The Big Question by Chuck Barris
66. Tell the Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt
67. Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter by Tom Franklin
68. Inside of a Dog by Alexandra Horowitz

So, according to Sir, unless I give some sort of review, this is just a bragging list.  I'll start with the books I really enjoyed.

Watership Down: If you have no reference for this book but the title, you might think it's about a sea battle   But it isn't. It's about rabbits fleeing destruction and a warring rabbit tribe.  It's a classic and very well written.

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie:  The first in the Flavia de Luce mystery series.  Flavia is the precocious child scientist/investigator.  Set in Post WWII England this is a delightful cozy mystery.

11/22/63:  Different from Stephen King in that it isn't Horror and while I generally don't care for time travel story lines (because I just can't suspend belief for time travel) I really enjoyed this book.  This was an engaging and well written, if very, very, long story.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog: There was a lot of run up to this book before it became engaging, in part because it is told in dueling narrations, but it ended up being one of my favorites.  The writing is spectacular.

In The Woods:  Classic Detective Procedural novel but very well written.  I liked this book so much I foisted it onto my little brother.  I never heard back if he liked it.

All We Know of Heaven:  This book was written by a monk.  It's the story of a man's religious and personal relationship with God as he studies, takes his vows, and lives the life of a Cistercian monk.  It's a beautiful story that I told my mom she should read and I would send her the book.  But I can't quite part with it yet.

The Lonely Polygamist: This book was funny and sad and irreverent and was just fun to read.  Told from the POV of the husband, his three wives, and one of his children.  You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be eternally grateful you don't have any sister wives.

Defending Jacob:  Criminal Justice Who Done It with an ending that you don't see it coming until it's upon you.  And even in the end, you're left with questions.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking:  My favorite book this year by far.  A must read for anyone who is an introvert or who knows and loves an introvert.  I liked the first half of the book more than the second.  I plan on buying my own copy when it comes out in paperback.

Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter:  This is a tragic story of injustice in the south but not the kind you expect to read.  Written between present day and memories of growing up in 1980's Mississippi it's a mystery both old and new.  This one made me cry.

Of course, if there are favorites, there are also duds. Some more obvious than others. These are the books I was least impressed with and wouldn't recommend

150 Pounds: Too stereotypical and predictable.  Poor Writing
A Child al Confino: I feel bad not liking this as it's written by a holocaust survivor, but it just did not elicit empathy from me.  Maybe I am cold hearted?
Death by Chick Lit: A literal title if ever there was one.
You Better Not Cry: I keep forgetting I should not read his autobiographic stuff, and I keep doing it, and I keep not liking it.
The Hitman's Guide to Housekeeping: This was a vulgar mob story that had no real closure.
The Big Question:  Way too many characters to keep track of and they all had extensive back stories. Extremely crass, everyone dies horrible, violent deaths in the end.

So tell me, what did you read this year?

Oh, Tannenbaum

I am disappoint.

Our sad, little pre-lit Christmas tree stopped pre-lighting a year or so ago.  Which shouldn't seem like such a big deal, because how hard is it to string Christmas lights around a skinny little tree?  Except the whole purpose of getting a pre-lit tree was so I didn't have to string any lights.  I could just spring that thing open like a festival of lights umbrella and let the kids start hanging ornaments.

Of course, I never remember from one year to the next that it doesn't work so I wasn't really thinking about the defunct status when I asked Sir if his feelings would be hurt if we didn't move the tree with us next year.  I was thinking of freeing up some space.  Needless to say, Sir didn't care.

With that in mind, after the tree was set up I decided it would look better if I pulled off the dead string of lights instead of wrapping working strings around them.  I thought it would be more aesthetically pleasing if there weren't hundreds of tiny, dead light bulbs on the tree lying there like clumps of electric larvae egg sacks.

Starting with the small top section I unwrapped the lights that had been woven onto and around the branches.  I was actually feeling sorry for whatever small Chinese child whose job it was to wrap Christmas lights onto artificial evergreen branches.  Getting scratches on their arms from the plasticy needles. Suffering faux allergy symptoms from the faux fir, or, more probably, asbestos in the ceiling.  I imagine they would think us Americans a curious lot as they mass produced cheap, fake trees we could light up like a roman candle and stick in the corner of our homes for one month of the year, then store for the next 11.

Yep, I was feeling pretty sympathetic to the plight of the underpaid, overworked Chinese Laborer.

Until I got the the middle tier.

I don't know where they found the masochist who strung that layer.  But that person needs a raise.  Where the top layer was just a matter of unwinding around and around, the middle layer was a process of weaving and winding that needed advanced algorithms to untangle.  No amount of "normal wear and tear" was going to cause this tree to come unstrung. I was elbow deep in fakery trying to shove the tips of branches through twists of wire and untie knots not even a sailor has knowledge of when I realized I was going about this the hard way.  I gave in and got the wire cutters out and started snipping away at the labyrinth of cord. I already knew the lights didn't work so there was no point trying to salvage the string.  Much to his dismay, I made The Heir help.  We snipped and tug at that thing for two hours trying to get all those lights off.  When we finally finished it looked like clips and bulbs and bits of wire and nylon needles had rained down in my living room. And my sympathy for the Chinese labor plight was a distant memory.

We managed to clear the tree only to discover that the really nice lights Sir bought early in our tree trimming history, the ones with the 7 different flash patterns, didn't work so well either.  One set was completely inoperable and the second, one of three strands is kaput.  I strung 'em anyway.  I certainly wasn't going to reward that tree's tenacity to hold onto its blown lights with brand new ones.

I stuck it in the corner because it had been bad.  And also in an attempt to keep Carbon out of it as much as possible.  Which actually has worked out pretty well.

So it doesn't quite shimmer in the Christmas season with all the sparkle and light of years past, but if Charlie Brown can get presents under his pathetic little tree, I think we are golden.

Merry Christmas!

Parade and Review 2012

I believe this is my 4th annual review of the National Costumes segment of the Miss Universe Pageant. The National Costumes always offer up the best in low brow entertainment.  While some countries play it perfectly safe and offer up a haute couture national dress representation that is tasteful and maybe a little forgettable, others go wild and give their costume designers carte blanche to do whatever they wish.  The results are often amusing and jaw dropping.  These are the ones I like to focus on.

As you all know, Donald Trump has taken up the cause of the Miss Universe Pageant, so understated and tasteful is all but banned from the competition.  This year's contest was held in Las Vegas, a city not known for is conservatism and reserve.  Perfect.  All the contestant are very pretty ladies, but while glancing through the pictures it occurred to me, either we really have become a multicultural global community, or a semester in a study abroad program now qualifies you to compete in your host country's beauty scholarship pageant.

This year I've grouped a few of the contestants into themed categories, but most stand (or fall) on their own.  Some things just can't be categorized.

We'll start with the Ministry of Silly Hats.

Miss Mexico  

 Mexico tends to always have over the top costumes.  It's what they do. This one looks like a pinata was massacred above her and the candy just rained down sticking here and there.  Plus, she looks like a tall girl, you've got to wonder what kind of clearance that thing has.

 Miss Venezuela

I have wasted spent a lot of time examining what she has on her head and I cannot figure it out.  It kind of looks like a guitar, except it bends at the neck and turns into a bow.  I don't know.  I give her credit for being able to smile and balance that thing at the same time.

Miss Ecuador

There is so much going on in this one.  I don't know if I should focus on the headdress that resembles a scary man peaking out of the underbrush, or the mural on the skirt wings that appears to be a depiction of Adam and Eve in bondage in the land of giant birds.

Miss British Virgin Islands

Miss BVI looks like a crew member on the Flying Dutchman with the shells glued onto her face and coral growing out of her head.  The blue in the center may be where a cannonball blasted through? This may be one of the heaviest dresses in the show assuming those are real seas shells bedazzled onto fabric.

Miss Thailand

Unicorns do exist. 

 I want to see Miss France show up next year with the Eiffel Tower shooting out of her head.  Countries with pointy buildings, I am throwing down the gauntlet.  It. is. on.

Our next category is Uniforms and Superheros.

Miss Chile

Ha Ha.  So I did a Google Image search on colonial Chile clothing and this picture popped up.  I'm going to have to assume the Chileans did their research and this is accurate-ish.

Miss Switzerland

"Cigars.  Cigarettes."  

All she is missing is a product tray.  That, or a kick line.

Miss Ukraine

When I first saw this outfit I thought "Bolsheviks!"  Then I thought "No, not them, who is this..."  It took me a good 30 minutes of Google searches before I stumbled on the right group.  Cossacks!  Although I don't they ever looked this good in their uniforms. Or clean.

Miss Great Britain

It's a Bird.  It's a Plane.  It's...Great Britain?  

It's kind of like Captain America, but closer to "Leftenant" Britain.  You've got the spandex suit, but really, only  the superpowers to defeat petty super villains. Yeah baby. Yeah.

Miss Ireland

Every Superhero needs a sidekick.  And what better side kick for Great Britain than Ireland.  She's "Robin" to their "Batman".  

Cute, young, and a great set of gams.

Our next subgroup is the homage to Scarlet O'Hara and the Von Trapp children, the Made From Curtains category.  These of course are more like curtain sheers and not the brocade black out drapes used by the aforementioned seamstresses.

Miss Aruba

I think I saw shears like this on a show I watched in the 70's.  They were very glamorous.  Then.

Miss Philippines 

This bejeweled version of the curtain shear is a little more upscale and formal, especially with the bridal veil addition. But I still think it dresses a window better

Miss Poland

This may include elements of dingy tablecloth as well.

The Angry Birds entries.

Miss Columbia

If you want to include exotic birds into your costume, this is how it should be done.  A realistic presentation of your countries natural fauna. Included, but not worn.

Miss Argentina

Not by scaring the kids by wearing a psychotic carrion bird of death above your multi-winged body.  It's like the angel of death has landed.  Who wants people to make that connection with your homeland?  "Argentina?  Yeah, that's the country of sorcery and death, isn't it?"

Miss Curacao

Or you could be a flashy bird of prey.  Nothing says majestic quite like a french cut eagle that glitters.

And now the ones that refuse to be categorized.

Miss Finland

I get the Ice Princess reference here, considering Finland's Northern Latitude.  But when I consider snow and ice and slit up the thigh, I get shivers.

Miss Honduras

I saw this costume after I saw Finland's costume, so I had snow on the brain and I couldn't reconcile a giant snowflake with such tiny scraps of cloth.  Then I saw the Poseidon-esque seahorse staff and realized I was looking at a coral pinwheel.  Yeah, that makes a lot more sense...

Miss South Africa

"Are you the Keymaster?"

Of course, this isn't Sigourney Weaver, it's Gozer.  Cleaned up for a non-apocalyptic night on the town.

Miss Guam

If you remember from last year, Miss Guam was just beginning to split out of her mer-fins.  It looks like she has successfully achieved bipedal status.  Maybe next year she will have procured clothes.  

Miss Denmark

Speaking of mermaids, Denmark offers up a nod to Hans Christian Anderson and his Little Mermaid.  It looks a little stiff.  Like the Danes aren't quite sure how to portray a sexy fish.  They should get with Guam.

  

Miss Bahamas

A fabulous nod to their criminal history of piracy.  No doubt Somalia will steal it for next year.

Miss Nigeria

I remember my mom making those tissue flowers for parties in the 70's.  They were pretty awesome.

Miss Malaysia

Mortica Adams would like her nightwear back.

Miss Bolivia

This it what happens when Poison Ivy starts adding Miracle Grow to her morning coffee.

Miss Israel

In case you were talking when the announcer introduced her, check the giant Star of David for nationality.  It looks like the Children of Israel have another 40 years in the wilderness coming to them for this golden idol.

Miss Netherlands

Because a real molen would have been silly.  And heavy.

Miss Jamaica

No one told Miss Jamaica the VS Angel tryouts were a week ago.

Miss Guyana

This is festive.  Like the ribbons atop a Christmas Package.

I know that's a lot of wow factor to take in, so before we continue I'm going to offer you a pallet cleansing view.  This is the Let's Not Embarrass Ourselves But Still Have Fun With It category.

Miss India

India never disappoints.  Always classy and representative.

Miss Vietnam

I love this cheerful, flowy, fully covered dress.  It's nice when a country choose to be modest.  Modesty can be beautiful too.

Miss Korea

See, another beautiful national costume that is very modest.  It can be done.

Miss Slovak Republic

I love the intricate pattern on this ball gown. It looks a little like pottery patterns of certain Eastern Block countries.

Miss China

To me, this evokes a Ming vase come to life.

Miss Albania

Last year Miss Albania looked like she had emerged from a magic lamp. 

 This is a huge step in the right direction.

Next we have some fence sitters.  They kind of wanted to be classy and they kind of wanted to be flamboyant.  You decide how they did.

Miss Indonesia

Lots of fabric origami going on here.  And it's frightfully close to falling off the fence onto the Showgirl side.

Miss Spain

Olé.  This dress drives the Matadors as wild as the bulls.

Miss Italy

In the past, Italy has had more referential costumes.  This is pretty toned down.  You can just see the green on her cape, so I'm assuming she's wearing a flag representation on her back.

Miss Russia

It's pretty.  In a carpet bag sort of way.

Miss Bulgaria

This is cute and colorful, but it kind of looks like she found some pompom's that fell off of Miss Mexico and added them at the last minute.

And our Grand Finale.  I like to think I saved the best for last.

Miss Peru

The Royal Empress of Groovy Town.

Sock it to me!

Miss Nicaragua

This is a rhinestone mosaic of epic proportions. I would have never guessed the ice look would have been a consideration for a rain forest country

. 

Miss Canada

Yes, Canada.  Campaigning for the UN vote I guess.  They stole the idea from Kazakhstan, who did it two years ago in a headdress.  I think Kazakhstan managed to get their own flag in there somewhere though.

Miss Tanzania

I had to study this one out to make any sense of it.  The colors, black, green, blue, and gold are represented in the flag.  The coiled wire I am less sure about, except Tanzania is a large producer of gold.  It feels symbolic, I'm just not sure of what.

Miss Panama

How many peacocks gave their lives for Panama?  These target costumes make me itchy for my throwing knives.  Let's roll her on out of here.

Miss Romania

There are no words.  Costumes like this make me think the contestants have absolutely no say in the design.  This is an unfortunate body stocking that I can't imagine anyone being comfortable wearing in public.  Or in private for that matter.  It leaves almost nothing to the imagination.  Except what were they thinking?

Miss USA, our 2012 Miss Universe winner.

I want to like this one.  I really do.  But it looks like she is wearing silicone adhesive bra cups and had a wardrobe malfunction.  She is clearly supposed to be a representation of the Statue of Liberty.  But Lady Liberty is fully dressed and dignified.  I have to give this a thumbs down.

That's it.  Thanks for joining me again this year.  I always look forward to what they could possibly come up with that will trump the year before.  Now you know my thoughts, what are yours?